i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
