U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
