Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
