I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
