would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
