So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
