I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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