so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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