So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
