I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
