im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
