i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
