Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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