she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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