You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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