true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
there is glitter all over my balls
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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