i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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