I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
