I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
