you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
