I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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