I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
