Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
