i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
