Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it because I queefed?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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