i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
