She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
