70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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