Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
