smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
