you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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