so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
