am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
