Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
