The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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