Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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