Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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