I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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