from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
