girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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