Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Pants are for mortals
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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