i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
