I cut my penus on the lid.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
