i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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