Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need to calm my uterus...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
