In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
