I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
