Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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