He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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