Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
